I read a book a couple of weeks ago by Andrew/Andras Feldmar. It’s about love and shame and relationships. I found one very interesting part about loving and hurting and I think it’s time to share it:
If I love someone I wouldn’t shame her/him. Because one of the base pillars of loving is that I am capable of hurting you but I would not do it. This is the least I can do to say I love you. Because if I said I couldn’t hurt you that would be a lie. Or I’m just a powerless nobody. So if I don’t hurt you because I couldn’t hurt you it doesn’t mean I love you. But if I could hurt you and I made the decision not to ever hurt you it is because I love you. If I keep repeating I love you, I love you, I love you and I hurt you in the meantime then I don’t actually love you. Or if I shame you. Then I hurt you. And hurting is not loving. It’s just hurting in my dictionary.
It’s interesting thinking of this. I was mostly thinking of my father who regularly shamed, humiliated and hurt me while saying he loved me. But I think it goes for all sort of relationships. You can’t truly love and care for someone if you intentionally hurt them.