I failed. I’m down. I don’t know how to get up. The urge to carve ‘I’M NOT COPING!’ on my thighs got so unbearable strong. I had to make a decision. I called my GP and now I’m back on antidepressant. I feel like a failure. Well, I don’t actually feel much. It’s a bit numb now. But what little I have is not clear but feels like a failure.
My pillars of friendships are broken. All but two. Some I’m afraid beyond fix. I think I lost D. I can’t blame him. I’m at the bottom again. Not as bad as I was but still deep down. I failed.