No running, no cycling, no gym at all.

I did yoga 3 times.

It doesn’t seem a lot but it meant a lot. Finally I managed to release a lot of tension. My shoulder blades are no longer in pain because of the built up tension. My body is no longer painfully tense. And this leaves some space to my soul to breathe after suffocating for long weeks. 

So here is where I am now:

There are more and more moments when I don’t feel disgusted and sick by myself. My body, my skin, my everything. I found something in myself I like: my growing hair. A first in a long time.

I’m not sure how to go on from here. I must find peace in me, in my loneliness. Maybe then I can find a motivation, a true motivation why I should lose weight because right now being slimmer and healthy just seems utterly pointless. As in what’s the point to make me a better me if I’m not seeing any value in me (except the growing hair…)

So it’s a big step up from here. And not sure how to take that step. It’s a huge step but I think I’m on the right path (as I thought I was a few times already… try, fail, try again and keep trying until you succeed) taking one teeny tiny step at a time to make it one huge giant step…


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