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I was reading last night. An article. About a girl. She wrote a book about her OCD and how she’s trying to cope with it. And then it hit me. I have it too. I’m obsessed about my finances. Literally. OK, I don’t have a lot of money and I have to budget everything and keep track of my spendings. And I think that’s perfectly normal. You know, you have a monthly income, you have your outgoings so you know how much you’re left with. Like I earn £1000, my rent is £400, my food comes to £154, my other things I have to pay (phone bill, cosmetics, interest, subscription, donation, going out) are £187, my loan is £101 so I’m left with £158 and oh, £24 is my insurance, and I’d like to save some money as well, let’s take it as £50, so I can pay £84 to my credit card but the interest on that will be like £49.57 so I’m only left with 34.43 as emergency money in case something goes wrong or I have to pay for something. Hmmm, let’s just do the whole calculation with pennies included because it was just a higher level one and with actual numbers because my initial food shopping is like £84.32 so it leaves me with £65.68 for the next 3 weeks which is 21.89 each week. And so on, and so on… I can spend hours digging into the details. Like calculating to the penny what food I can buy for that £21.89 and if I overspend then what is not so essential. So I spend like half an hour doing the whole lot (I have a big routine in doing it) and then an hour or two hours later or in the afternoon I restart it again because I’m not sure if I remembered to include everything in the calculations and I wake up at midnight and I check my bank account if it’s still the same amount or at 5am if that’s when I wake up and recalculate again. And check it on the bus on the way to work.

Doing it once a week is normal I think. Maybe doing it daily (if I spend money unexpectedly…) can be acceptable to see if I’m still on track. You know, just in case. But doing it multiple times a day regardless of spending any money in the meantime or not somehow doesn’t feel right anymore. Not since yesterday. It could have been something I knew about before but I never admitted it. Most likely it was. I was in denial. And since I read that article there’s no way back. So I just have to try to find something to stop it.

 

According to Wikipedia, Obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder where people feel the need to check things repeatedly, perform certain routines repeatedly (called “rituals”), or have certain thoughts repeatedly. People are unable to control either the thoughts or the activities. Common activities include hand washing, counting of things, and checking to see if a door is locked. Some may have difficulty throwing things out. These activities occur to such a degree that the person’s daily life is negatively affected. Often they take up more than an hour a day. Most adults realize that the behaviours do not make sense. The condition is associated with tics, anxiety disorder, and an increased risk of suicide.

The cause is unknown. There appears to be some genetic components with both identical twins more often affected than both non-identical twins. Risk factors include a history of child abuse or other stress inducing event.

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http://www.mind.org – photo credit

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