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I screwed up the RockSolid training as in not training. I screwed up my exam and I didn’t prepare for it as I should have. I was distracted by therapy and my issues. (I also didn’t get a job I really wanted but that was not up to me. They were rather happy with me but the other applicant had more skills)
But I’m still in time to prepare for my 10k run in the end of July. Starting now! Leaving doughnuts behind. And walking.
I think I managed to leave an issue behind (I found a bigger one though…). When I was around 12 my dad told me I was a disgusting fat pig and I should have been ashamed of myself. I was bullied at school because of my weight as well and I didn’t fit in anyway. I carried it with me for more than 20 years. But I’m leaving it behind it seems. As of yesterday. I have already walked a lot today. And I walk a bit more soon. Just keep walking and as the weather gets better go running. I no longer want to feel ashamed. I know I can do it. I want to do it. And as it stands I will do it. I am doing it!

Up until now I wanted to do many things.  Like running. But something was holding me back. Badly. I wanted to run but I was weighed down. Chained to something heavy. And it feels now I’m slowly breaking this chain. The weight is moving away from me. It’s still hard and very heavy and the bond is strong but it’s getting weaker. I will run. With or without these weights. I will run and not just in my dreams anymore.

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2 thoughts on “The first big step on the week of failures

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