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I’m tired. Exhausted. Mentally exhausted. It took a while to admit it this morning when one of my friends told me. But then I realised I am mentally exhausted. I’m working on projects with tight deadlines at work plus my normal job. One of the projects made me really anxious because I have to cover my boss while she’s on holiday. Working with new people, new challenges, understanding their requirements, I admit I nearly threw up before our first meeting. Then it all went well, I was appreciated and had good feedbacks. So it was great but it means developing new reports, looking into data and finding errors in the system, so a lot of challenges. I really enjoy it and I don’t feel overloaded just busy. But I keep thinking all the time, analysing, processing things like DB and why he chose Miss Triathlon and why not me and how should I get him back, why do I want him back, do I actually love him, and what is love at all, and then the way how D behaved (long story. We’re still friends but just friends which is good in a way but it hurts in another way and I try to decide whether all in all is good to be just friends or not or what…), and what’s wrong with my ears and money issues, and trying to redesign my room on a low budget, and dieting doesn’t work, I’m anxious of going out of running and I should really finish Brene Brown’s book, trying to sort out and understand my really shallow layer and so on and on and on…

I overcomplicate and overanalyse things when I don’t need that and I don’t know how not to do it. Just an example of this morning: I realised my mentally exhausted state so I have to meditate. Steps of that:

1.       Drink calming tea (which should be anything that is calming and does not have chamomile in it!)
2.       Drink calming tea and shut the curtains
3.       2+turn on the red lamp. It’s so pretty and relaxing
4.       2+no red lamp. Use proper candles. Maybe red lamp and candles. I have to buy new candle-plate!
5.       4+what if I put some nice, relaxing music on
6.       5+actually I could try meditating. The environment is given!
7.       6+should I do a guided meditation or just simple emptying my mind. And if it’s guided meditation what should I meditate about?
And then it just kept escalating…

I know often I’m creating these issues to myself but I don’t know why and I don’t really know how to change it. Probably it’s the next thing to sort out. The next layer but it’s too early. I’m still not done with the previous one!!!

This morning I didn’t want to get up and I sent an email to D saying I needed a hug. I got the sweetest response and that actually made me laugh:
Hhhmmm arms up…..ready for a tight squeeze??!! – arms down – squeeze 🙂

So next time you feel down and nobody’s around, just hug yourself. It feels good and it’s a rather funny thing to do!

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