It feels good to know there are people who are worried about me and love me. I spent a weekend with my friends. Their daughter is 3 and she’s not the friendliest child with people she doesn’t know. She kept playing with me and kept giving me toys, hugs and cuddles and she doesn’t do this to many people. I felt really special and it felt really warm.
I was chatting to my friend as well and she’s a wonderful person. She gave me advices and cared and listened. I’m so glad I have her as a friend.
Living with anxiety and depression and recovering from it is really difficult. Sometimes you’re anxious but you don’t know why and it makes you even more anxious. Other times no matter how much someone loves you you’re not able to believe it because you’re not worth it. Somehow your brain knows it’s not right but your heart is not able to follow. Some goes on and fights but others just lose their battle. No matter how much you’re loved one day you might not have the strength to keep fighting. And that’s sad because you’re worthy. I’m worthy. We’re just blindfolded and cannot see it.
It’s like being in a tower and you want to get out but you don’t know how to break your own walls and you don’t know what awaits you beyond your walls. There’s hope it’s something amazing but the question just hangs in the air ‘What if I fail?’
Then you start again. You should. It’s not something you can just snap out of or leave behind. It eats from the inside and you just have to work your way through. We try, we fly, we fall, we break our wings then we try to fly again. To be free. To free ourselves from the cell we’re locked in. To find love, laugh, sun, warmth and strength. We just have to keep trying no matter how hard it is and hope we’ll have the strength tomorrow again if we fail today…
Gin Wigmore – Hallelujah (from 2003, the original and the best version): https://youtu.be/m4tiOrkUHig
(Photo credit : Jenna Haws)