The trust that I have is the most I can give. It didn’t happen for a long time. I meet people and I give them like 90% trust and they can only go down from there. Usually. It’s not something I can control. It’s not something I plan. It’s in me. That’s what I am. That’s who I am. Probably it’s because I was let down one too many times. Although I can’t really think of any big let downs which could have caused it. So, I meet someone and their trust level can only go down.
Sometimes, in some rare cases, when one proves to be trustworthy and reliable and keeps standing by my side and patient and loves me and trusts me and does it for a long time, then one gets behind my walls where only my closest friends are. I gave this trust for D. I noticed it today. The love (not The Love) I feel for him and the love he feels for me (no, sorry, still not The Love) and his patience and wisdom and interest and persistence resulted him being behind my walls having my trust.
I don’t know how long I have been feeling it. I only noticed it this morning and it felt so good I nearly cried. I know I doubted him so many times and he proved me wrong the exact amount of times. Sometimes I admitted and sometimes I didn’t. I always felt silly when I realised it’s me being an idiot and not him lying to me. And he stood by me all the time. Giving me good advices. Helping me. Being there. And he melted my wall and he’s inside joining the most valuable people I have in my life. It’s been like 10 years since I accepted someone like this. There were plenty 90% but those behind the wall – none. Not even N made it. He got behind another wall, into a secret corner of my heart. But now D is there. Thank you! Love you!