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I’ve not been feeling alright this week. I feel anxious and startled. My sister’s mum’s death shocked me but I tackled it. She was like a grandparent’s sister for me. Then I got home tired in the evening and I was told I have to move out. I have a month to find a room and I’m panicking. It was so unexpected and I have a strange feeling about the whole thing. Something doesn’t sound right about it and I can’t help reflecting it on me. My demons. I keep fighting though. I just feel it’s my fault and I don’t know what I did wrong and nobody’s telling me what to change and how to correct my mistakes. Objectively the situation is my landlord has rented the other spare room out last week and then on the weekend his parents told him they sold their house and their new house is not completed yet so they move into my room. I try to believe them but I don’t find it realistic. I try not to think it’s my fault, I was bad and now this is my punishment I just didn’t know what I did wrong. Screw my insecurity! This while fight is so exhausting.
And with all this happening I have hectic days at work while I’m trying to find a room and I’m just totally crashed and I’m not doing any workout. Or barely any…
But at least some joy; I found a beautiful picture of Tara Stiles. It’s such a serene shot. It shows balance and peace and the whole composition is just so uplifting. Or calming. I love it. (Photo courtesy of Tara Stiles)

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2 thoughts on “So long for low stress

  1. I can so relate to that struggle to trying to think objectively about things. When you’re under stress, it’s really hard to stay positive. Your objective interpretation of events is the most helpful one for sure. Thanks for sharing this. It really captures the work involved in learning new ways of thinking.

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