I want to recover. I’m tired of not being able to sleep, or if I sleep I suffer from nightmares. I’m tired of people just using me or they just run through me like I was nothing. I’m tired of being tired and I’m tired of not being well. I want to feel human again, I want to feel respected. I want to feel proud of myself. I don’t want to be specially treated anymore. I just want to be me, an average person with an average life.
I recently reconnected with an old flame and it turned out he’s suffering from depression as well. I was 16 when we met and he was already taking pills for that. He’s still suffering from it and now he has to use medication. He said he’s OK with it. He’s happy with the way he is. I just can’t imagine life is happy when you’re suffering from depression, when you don’t have a certainty to have a chance to feel good the next day or when you don’t know what will put you off balance so much the next week that you just want to end all your pain. That’s not life. Half a life. We can all learn to live half a life but we all have the opportunity to live a full life, to grab the taste of sunshine. Don’t think of the big picture. Just take one small step today. And take one small step in the light every day. And then one day you leave your shadows behind. One step. Make it your new year’s promise. One step in the light today.