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As a part of my self-pity and my attempt to rise from my ashes I relaunched my diet. I have six weeks to lose 10 kg (22 lbs). I travel to Vienna in six weeks hence the target. It’ll be a hard work but it can be done.
A major part of my self-confidence issue is my weight and I’m fairly sure it was a reason that N didn’t want me. The world is so focused on the outside that the inside doesn’t matter anymore.
So as a start I downloaded loads of dieting books and I found a few interesting boxed collections:
– how to stop my divorce
– how to get your ex back
– how to find love
These sets each have 4-5 books, one self-help type and the rest is diet-workout.
Based on this non-representative quick research in the world of diets and relationships it turns out I only have to get a nice body to find love or to get my ex back or to stop my divorce. That’s the big secret.
I was naive enough to believe in the worthiness of human values, you know ‘it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye’ kind of stuff but based on the above it doesn’t matter. I’m definitely on the wrong planet, I must be…
So single people who are struggling with their weight have another punch in their face: they must be slim to find their better half.
And I’m falling for it too because I’m so desperate to raise his attention that I’m willing to go extra miles to get him. I feel humiliated but I still love him somewhere deep down in my heart. I guess it’s not the right thing to do but at the moment I don’t see any other way to move on. Hopefully after a while I’ll be more interested in my diet than in him.
Still somehow I just feel this is bad, it’s not real and my outside shouldn’t be this important because what’s inside me that is the real thing but nobody’s interested in my inside as long as outside is somewhat good in the eye of general society.

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