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Should we make compromises in love not be alone or shall we be on our quest to find the one? Is our fear of loneliness bigger than the hope to find true love one day?

I try to hate for the way him treated me. For the humiliation. But it would be a betrayal of my love for you. And I cannot bear the thought of betraying the merely purest emotion I have ever felt, I cannot be the traitor who demolishes the love that saved me from the emptiness I lived in.

Heartbreak has a certain circle of emotional range. Pain. Stoneheart. Emptiness. Feeling lost. Self pity. Self-Encouragment. Wrath. Revenge. Re-valuation of ourselves. Pity for the one dumped you. Pain. Stoneheart. Emptiness. Feeling lost. Self pity. Self-Encouragment. Wrath. Revenge. Re-valuation of ourselves. Pity for the one dumped you. Pain again… until one day there’s no pain you’re just left there with emptiness. Void. Then a new light, a ray of hope comes in and you start feeling again.

Then you start thinking how many compromises you made because you were too afraid of staying alone. You wanted to feel love so much; you wanted to have someone around you that you gave up partly what you wanted. It’s not necessarily bad and it’s not something you cannot cope with but it’s just not what you wanted. Sometimes you’re so desperate you give up really important things sometimes just little things. But the moment you feel loved you just feel happy and important and valuable because that gives you the evidence you’re right, you’re worth more than an empty pocket.

That’s why it hurts so much the way he treats me. We know each other for more than two years, we live together for more than two years and yet I mean nothing as a human being. I’m just a sex-toy with no real values. I thought I have values. I hoped. And now I’m facing the confirmation of the opposite? I’m nobody. I’m nothing. I have no values that could be respected or could be interesting? Was I wrong all this time hoping I was somebody? A living creature with feelings? How am I supposed to find strength to stand up again? To walk? To live?

Is it wrong I try to be strong? Should I just be weak and let me crash myself to rise again? Or should I just suppress the pain I feel?

I know I have to walk on and I will walk on, I just don’t know yet how or what I’d carry with me.

 To close this with a quote I received the other day. I don’t know where it’s from…

 This is your life. Do what you want and do it often.
If you don’t like something, change it.
If you don’t like your job, quit.
If you don’t have enough time, stop watching TV.
If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.
Stop over-analysing, life is simple.
All emotions are beautiful.
When you eat, appreciate every last bite.
Life is simple.
Open your heart, mind and arms to new things and people, we are united in our differences.
Ask the next person you see what their passion is and share your inspiring dream with them.
Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself.
Some opportunities only come once, seize them.
Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them, so go out and start creating.
Life is short, live your dream and wear your passion.

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