After every heartbreak you’re dead. A part of your soul died when your dreams of real-life love are shattered and the rest of your soul is mourning but your heart is dead. And one morning you’ll wake up to feel your alive but until that morning you just hope it comes soon and you’ll be able to hold on.
I’m shattered and dead. I lost him. He lost me.
I noticed he’s not talking to me when others are around so I asked him why. He said we have nothing in common to talk about. He’s not angry at me or anything we just don’t have anything to talk about and that’s why we’re not talking… He never even tried talking to me, get to know me. I started rolling my eyes and he said he didn’t know how to tell it in a way I can understand. Like I were a stupid idiot.
I’m a bit upset, totally crashed and on the other hand I feel deliberated… It really punched my low self-esteem. I feel pain an emptiness. One moment I want to cry and I actually start crying.
Then a minute later I feel strong.
For some illogical reason now that I should feel totally crap I feel strong and I feel I’m valuable and I deserve someone who respects me, treats me well, loves me and doesn’t treat me like a dirty, boring and stupid whore because based on his behaviour I mean nothing more but this to him. I’m telling you the heart and feelings are not logical.
And I think somehow in the bottom of my heart I still want him because what I felt (feel?) was the purest and deepest love I can possibly feel…