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You know I have a pretty big ego. Some may say it’s huge. I went out for my first run and I did it. I failed on the second one, by like 15 secs and I wasted like 20 secs on another because I couldn’t decide which way to keep running towards. I feel exhausted and muscles hurt. I don’t care that Laura (my new BFF from the run plan podcast says I did well) I feel rubbish. I had high hopes that I’d be able to run those 60 secs smoothly and I would be able to run every day this week. I won’t.
I nearly started crying on my warming down walk home. I felt exhausted. Everything hurted. I failed. I felt like being a defeated army. I know it’s not the right attitude and I know I shouldn’t look at things like that but I just can’t help it. I’m used to the fact that I’m pretty good at what I’m doing and I keep forgetting that every beginning is hard. I know I should be proud of me that I did it.
But I won’t give up. I’m not a quitter. I’ll go out on Wednesday again to do my session. and on Friday and on Sunday. or Saturday. we’ll see. Probably I’ll do week one plan next week again and then I’ll believe Laura I did well.

Running is something really strange for me. I didn’t like running when I was a teenager and later on I just thought that’s something good for me but I didn’t have the stamina to do it. I start running every other year and I give up pretty quickly because I do the most common error beginners do: I think I can run a marathon in a Usain Bolt speed. So my body can’t coop with it, hips, ankles, knees, everything just starts aching and I give up saying running is rubbish, it’s just not for me. Although the problem is me. That’s why I don’t want to give up this time.
I have a pair of running shoes. I bought it 10 years ago. It’s barely worn. The target is to bin it because it’s used and can no longer be worn. I think it’s a long way. long run to get there but as Milton said in Paradise Lost “Long is the way, and hard, that out of hell leads up to light.” Eventually I’ll reach up to my light one day. I must. I have to do it. I can do it. Just keep running and walking and eating and you know what, keep crying if that helps. Don’t forget, just keep doing!

By the way, I downloaded all podcasts/mp3-s of the Couch to 5k plan and I have the app on my phone. Also there’s another app called MyFitnessPal. It counts the calories you take in and the calories you burn by doing your exercise if you add all the details. I’ll use it. Thanks for Nicky for the tip. 😀

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